"The LORD is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?"

- Psalms 27 : 1

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Certainty Is Fleeting



I have written this post about a hundred times in my head. Constantly erasing and re-writing. Desperately trying to find what to share. Ticking what seemed relevant and crossing out the mindless babbles. this exercise has been going on for months now and yet, nothing had been written on paper or noted down virtually. During these last few months, I have been feeling the desire to start blogging again but the more time passed the more difficult it seemed and the more distant I felt from my own blog.

Year 2014 ended with so many uncertainties and January marked the beginning of another year. The string of uncertainties continues to line up one after the other as time passed by and I began to ask myself if my life was just going in circles.

During this time, I got to a place I never thought I could ever get to. I was so down spiritually and mentally, I was beginning to feel like someone else. My faith was put to the test. I learnt what it felt like to be backed against the wall. And then I did something I never did before: I began to remove my eyes from God. There were days I was too mentally beaten to pray - something that had never crossed my mind before. And as this stranger moved in, I began to wonder where and how I would finish. I wanted to hold on, but I felt like my faith was failing.

 
This was the roller coaster I have been living until recently. 

During the Christmas celebration of last year, I heard a quote from a television show my mom was watching: CERTAINTY IS FLEETING. THAT IS WHY WE MUST HAVE FAITH.

This quote has stuck to me and has transformed my way of thinking, even when I did not realize it. Now, looking back, I realize God gave me that quote just in time to prepare me for all that was to come. Because even with all the craziness, I have held on to it at the back of my head and in turn, it has made me somehow hold on to the Word of God even though at times, it has been very difficult.

One of my room walls is plastered with verses that have been helping me to climb out of the pit I had found myself. A sort of coping strategy I guess. My silent rehab. Praying got difficult but His Word was the only thing I had to stand on.

I'm not writing this to make excuses for why I have been inactive on the blog but to use my story to encourage and remind you that God is faithful.

There are still a lot of uncertainties, but that's okay. These last few months have proved to me that I really do not know anything and all I thought I knew has been stripped away from me but one thing remains, His word. And it's on His word that I must put my trust and on Him that I must re-focus.

It has been hard to do anything I used to love doing during these months as I felt the slimy claws of depression grip me. But by His grace, I am making a comeback. I am trusting Him to day by day, because sometimes, it still gets hard to hold on in faith. I know He will see me through.

With that said, I will be posting from hence forth by His grace and I cannot wait to share all the exciting things I have in store.

I pray all is well with you all.

Shalom

"Don't fear, only believe"

Luke 8:50
 

9 comments:

  1. Thank you very much for sharing. It's very encouraging for when you're feeling down and out with God.

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  2. @Berry Dakara Thank you so much for taking the time to pen down these lovely words. All the glory belongs to God. God bless you sis <3

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  3. Beautiful post. Thank you for posting. I am sure others will find themselves in your words.

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  4. "There are still a lot of uncertainties, but that's okay. These last few months have proved to me that I really do not know anything and all I thought I knew has been stripped away from me but one thing remains, His word. And it's on His word that I must put my trust and on Him that I must re-focus."

    thank you for this message. I most times feel alone in a current struggle and recently passed through a disappointment that really shook me. Nobody understands at all! I tried talking to "supposed friend" that I have never met and she did not seem to care, well.... I have cried myself to sleep and smiled the very next day after make up, I have gained weight because I turned to a friend who never judges me, food! I have tried to pray but something keeps saying "this is pointless", I try to remind myself of God's words and promises and I wait earnestly to receive my family's heart desire. It's been difficult seeing people get the things I struggle for so easily! Yea, I thought it would be easy..actually, I was certain it would be easy!!! NOT!!
    It is by God's grace, amazing and unconditional love that We are still here and haven't lost our minds. Some people never get out of this thing "depression". So thank you again and thank God that in the midst of these uncertainties, nothing takes God by surprise...He definitely knows what He is doing. God bless you sis!!!
    btw, my hair is still growing strong under my fake dread locs!

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  5. Hi Funbi,

    I was looking out for posts. I didn't know what was going on but I am glad that you are back. Your post is very thought provoking and lets me know that at any moment things can change in our walks with Christ but we have to hold on to the fundamental truths and hold on to our faith. Of course this is easier said than done, especially when culture and life events try to take them from us on a constant basis. I am praying for you and just know that God's grace is able to keep you from falling away and one of the greatest prayers that Jesus prayed was that God protect all that believe and that were given unto him. And he has not lost one. (John 17). Interpretation is different for some but I believe that those who are chosen in Christ were there before the foundation of the world and that they will remain until the second coming. When you are weak in faith, God's grace is sufficient to keep you, He can strengthen you when you are weak. So as I said before I will continue to pray for you and for all believers. Much love :)

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    1. Slight correction with what was mentioned above, one was lost and that was Judas but anyway...you get me right? I hope I encouraged you in some way. That was my intention.

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  6. @JazzWife Thank you for your lovely words sis. I am encouraged. All the glory belongs to God sis. It's my pleasure :)

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  7. @Kenechukwu Hi sis!! I was so happy to read your message and get an update from you. Your message made my heart heavy with sadness but it also encouraged me. I don't feel alone and it help a lot when others can relate to our struggles. Indeed, it is hard to find that one or those few people that can understand our internal struggles and battle. Almost impossible sometimes, but we thank God for Christ who is closer than a brother. Thank you so much for being so bold and transparent as to share your test. It is ringing in my heart as a testimony. You are in my prayers sis!! Glad to hear your hair is doing great. Would love to hear more by mail. God bless you sis!

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  8. @Presh Thank you so much for this encouraging message. First of all, it is good to feel missed :) Thank you for the welcome. I am really happy and excited to be back. Secondly, thank you for your uplifting words. They have been a sure encourager indeed. I love what you said about fundamental trusts. It's all about going back to basics, that's why I only want to know one thing for sure: God's word. I am okay with not knowing anything else but that. I also believe God knows how to keep those He has called, no matter what seems to be happening. Thank you so much for your prayers sis. I really appreciate it and I pray God in turn, will bless you a hundred times over. Love you sis!!!

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