"The LORD is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?"

- Psalms 27 : 1

Monday, August 6, 2012

Letters Of Encouragement : Friends Aren't Forever?

Bonds of friendship are formed right from the kindergarten playground. Some last for years to come, others for a life time and a number of them only last a moment. As life continues, other bonds of friendship are made but by high school (late teens) it is clear not every tie will stand the test of time & not everyone that calls themselves a "friend" is really a friend

I have to admit, I had to take a few blows before I truly got to fully understand & accept these truths. But after being let down so many times; taken for granted & been left standing alone...I grasped what I should have a long time ago. Now looking back, I realize it was my insecurity & lack of self - contentment that caused me to chase after dead friendships & inexistent bonds. Many times, I was the one making all the effort. The thought of that just makes me laugh now because any relationship on whatever level is a two way street that requires the same amount of effort from both ends.

Most friendships don't even last decades, not to say a life time. Many people call themselves "friends" and so on, but most "friends" are excess baggage that just want to bring us down; others are "ghost friends" that is, friendships that are already dead; some are only around because we have something they want and there are also those that just want to stick around to know what's going in our lives & share it with whoever wants to hear.

Neither of those listed  above are friends at all. We mostly associate with such people because of our own insecurities. We think being surrounded with so many "friends" will fill existing voids, make us somebody & give us something to lean on. However, to be 100% content with who we are  when we are surrounded with people, we need to have that same feeling already when we are alone. If it's not the case, it means there is a void somewhere. People, cannot fill voids, only God can. If you rely on people to fill your void, even your closest friend, you will have a sense of fulfillment when they are around but once they are gone, you'll be right back to how you were - empty. That's no where to live your life. You cannot mould yourself outside in. Shaping our mind mind, standards & desires starts from the inside and manifests itself outward.

When you know who you are, have your own standards & are content with being just you, you will not be dragged around by this crowd or that crowd. You'll find it much easier to let go of dead friendships & false friends. You'll be able to find real friends.
What are real friends? Do they even exist? Truth is, yes. True, we are all humans and evil is embedded in our nature [Jeremiah 17 : 9] but don't let anyone lie to you, there are still real friends. Real friends are those that will stick with you; they will be there for you (when they can); they will tell you the truth even if it costs your friendship; they appreciate who you are not who they want you to be or wish you were; they make as much effort as you make to keep your friendship growing; they forgive you totally; they love you.
So, a real friend has to be a loving friend
Real = Love
1 Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8 sums it up by saying, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails". Now, this is the same principle for any other relationship but since we are speaking about friendships, let's keep focusing on that. According to 1 Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8, any real friendship, which he had already concluded is a friendship based on love, has to last & stand the test of time. That's what a true friendship is all about.
Now you see why there isn't a lot of "real" going on in because real requires love and love is something that has become scarce in the world right now since "People will be lovers of themselves" [2 Timothy 3 : 2]. 
It's a common believe that you have to have as many friends as possible...but if they are not real what is the point? It's all over the net: facebook, etc. People boasting about how many "friends" they have though most of these "friends" are only people they randomly came across while searching for who to become "friends" with.
That's not friendship. Just like acquaintances are not friends
The truth is, most times, you will only be able to count your true friends with your the fingers.
I have accepted this truth, buried dead friendships, waved goodbye to many & burned multiple bridges. Truth is, the closer I move towards God, the more I have to trim down the number of those in my "circle", delete some numbers & just let go of any excess. How can I move with those that don't have the same standards as me? I'm not looking down on nobody but I'm not going to pretend I'm something I'm not just to have "friends". As Amos 3 : 3 says, "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" The answer is no. And if they do, one will end up bending & accepting the other one's ways. Remember Proverbs 18 : 24, "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin"
I look forward to the future yet taking hold of what is now. Those that God have purposed to run this race with me, will end up on my lane.

But don't forget the biggest friend of all, that is always there whenever you need Him & can do much more exceedingly above what any human can do : Jesus. He's the "friend who sticks closer than a brother" [Proverbs 18 : 24]. He is always there, so near & ever true.

Don't live a life of compromise because of so-called "friends" but let your life be an example to those that are far and near. Let go of "unreliable" friends, bury dead friendships and don't hesitate to burn old bridges. Let love be the foundation to your friendships & let God guide you in the choices you make when it comes to friends.


  1. thanks for sharing... just thought i'd take this opportunity to commend you on your blog... you are an amazing writer and i've always enjoyed reading ur updates... keep it up coz your blog is very helpful and inspiring...:-)

    1. All the glory be to God sis!
      i am so thankful to Him that the blog is of help!
      Thank you for your lovely words, encouragement, constant support & prayers :)
      God bless you richly sis!

  2. This came at a perfect time! I feel like you wrote this post for me, if only you knew!
    Thanks sis!!!

    1. Hey sis!!
      All the glory be to God alone! I'm so glad it was of help!!
      Blessings :)

  3. I am very blessed by this post. Waterfalls of love splashed through this text about friendship. God is so good. May we look to him as our compass when it comes to finding friends and may we look to God as a standard of how to be a friend. God bless you Funbi.

    1. A big AMEN to those prayers!!
      All the glory be to God. I'm so glad the post was of help!! Indeed, God is so good.
      God bless you richly my dear sister :)

  4. awww .. soo hard to let some people out of our lives cos they have been soo good to us and we to them. But some of them bring out farther from God.....

    1. Indeed sis!! That's why sometimes, we really need to let go & trust God to lead us right.
      God bless you richly sis!

  5. I have been going through a lot of changes spiritually (growth I guess) and the result it I have been going through a shedding of a lot of friendships, some that were even from childhood. It has been sad, but necessary to be true to my self to terminate some friendships. Thank you for the article. It brought me some renewed comfort to remember that I not alone in on the path or the first to have let go of the past.

    1. Hi josh!
      Glory be to God! Change is essential for growth!
      Hold on to the path on which God has placed you.
      God bless you richly.


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