"The LORD is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?"

- Psalms 27 : 1

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Relationships : First Date

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You look at your calendar and you cannot believe the day has come. Just another casual Friday had been set apart to be anything but casual ever since you marked down date with _____ under it. You stare at your note with a queer feeling of excitement or was that fear lurking at the back of your mind. You turn to the clock and realize you've only got two hours to get ready. More than enough time you tell yourself. You stomach does a few flips as if in protest and you decided to be better safe than sorry before plunging into your closet. You'd picked out a dress - that's for sure. You'd even tried it countless times during the week but right there, in front of the mirror, staring at it just an hour or so before your date you think it's just not right. You turn to the left and then to the right. It does not compliment me whatosever you say out loud. You turn your back to the mirror and painfully strain your neck to see your reflection. It's then that you notice your hair. Your lovely curls suddenly look hideous. I knew I should have had it straightened! This time you are shouting at yourself. 
The dress came off and soon you were in the bathroom and tugging at your hair. The flat iron in one hand and your hair in the other, you attack. Thirty minutes later the deed is done. You decide to wear a skirt and a random shirt this time. It has to be good, you thought, I've worn this so many times I'm sure it's good enough. But upon meeting your reflection in the mirror you sigh heavily. Your heat sinks and your stomach churns painfully. What a disaster, you say. 
But too late. Your eyes scurry to the clock and you realize you are already running late. You sigh once more, grab a few things and throw them in your bag. It's already a fail, you think to yourself before running out.

* * *

Five hours, you recite to yourself. It had to go smoothly. You had no doubts about the whole thing. The sound of the horn of the car behind brought you back to the road and looking up you realize the light told you to go. Green, you say and smile. Making a sudden turn into your neighborhood you recall the week before and how much courage you'd mustered. You smile as her face floated in your head, as if she were really there.
Getting into your apartment, you throw your jacket on the sofa and hurried into the shower. Your closet was the next step. You had no idea what to wear. Your eyes scanned the contents and in a few seconds and without hesitation decided on a pair of jeans, white shirt and brown loafers - a bit of both worlds. Checking out your reflection in the mirror you smile thinking about how no matter what she wore, she would be beautiful. Your heart racing and with the thrill of the night to come pulsating through your body, you nervously check out your watch - 3 hours too soon.
With that information, you decided to catch up on a baseball game on the TV instead.
No hurry, I'll see her soon.

* * *

What turned into a short intro spurned into a mini story. I thought it would be fun to imagine what could happen on date to the guy and the lady and also what they could possibly be thinking.

First date.

That first rendez - vous of coming together that carries the weight of whether or not the two involved are going to be together or not and how fast. The first date is truly the first laid foundation on a possible relationship. Whatever happens on that night decides what could happen in the future. After a first date, the lady and the guy should be able to say whether or not they would like to see each other again, if there is a possible chance of a relationship and why.
For a success and meaningful first date, it's best to watch out and be aware of a few things  

Be open : You are both getting to know each other better so it is best to speak about your life, thoughts, aspirations and beliefs. Of course, there is only so much one can say on a first date but enough is just enough. Paint a picture of yourself for the other person so they can understand you better.

Listen : Listen to the other person. Converse. Don't hog the conversation. Communicate and exchange your views and experiences. As you speak about yourself, throw some questions to the other person be curious about their life.

Be genuine : When it comes to dating, authenticity is vital. Do not lie and make up stories about yourself because sooner or later they will be found out and depending on where you are with the person then it could be damaging and apart from that, lying is just not right. Be yourself. Don't try to paint a false self-protrait. Be genuinely interested in the person and curious. Don't start up conversations you are not interested in just to have something to say.

Don't beat around the bush : Be real. Tell the other person what you'd expect from a relationship and what your standards are. If you are not clear from the very beginning it will be difficult to get your message across later on. Be yourself and say what you believe, stand for, hold on to and would like to expect from a relationship.

Don't rush : Any thing can happen on a first date but out of all those things physical intimacy on all the levels should not be one of them. You are still getting to know the person. Getting physical - whether it be touching each other's body parts, kissing etc - should not be your agenda on a first date. Things like that shifts your focus and your possible partner's focus to something other than a genuine relationship built on your feelings for each other. The problem with being physical from day one is that your relationship will end up being about that - the physical - and you will find yourself doing a lot of things before you totally get to know each other and start jumping stages. What many fail to know or admit these days is that a relationship is a process - it has different stages; it's like a child growing up. Now does a baby learn to run before walking? No. That is not normal growing process at all. If the other person wants to go for the physical route right away, then they are not interested in a real relationship with you.

When it comes to venue picking, I would advice you to pick a place where you can really talk and hear each other clearly. Do not pick a place where there are a lot of distractions, noise and please avoid the movies! I know many go to the movies but I don't advice it on a first date. One, you will not be talking to each other [if you try you will be kicked out] so there is no exchange going on. Two, you will be tempted to jump right away to the physical stuff. Three, it is truly no use.

For a first date, I advice you to be yourself and to speak your mind. Praying before going on a first date is very helpful. Asking for guidance and wisdom is essential. If the date does not go as you please or the person didn't turn out to be how you had thought then it's okay - it's better to know upfront than to find out later on.

What are your tips and experiences on first dates?
What do you think about the short story?

♥♥


10 comments:

  1. My last first date was on Monday, December 23, 1985. It was wonderful! In June 2012, me and my first date will have been married for 24 years.

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  2. Where was this advice when I went on my first date lol...totally opposite to this one but it's all good..we learn from our mistakes...thanks for sharing...I like these relationship talks...it's like my personal guru teaching me lol...i like! keep them coming!

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  3. Such a great post sis, I always look forward to your writing. I remember listening to a teaching last week by Dani Johnson and she mentioned how her husband's niece made a vow to only kiss her husband and I really admired that because it showed firstly how she was honoring God by keeping her body pure for the man who would be her husband and secondly because when she did start dating, she made it clear to her bf that there would be no physical contact at all because it's only on your wedding day that you discover who your husband is going to be. In the long run they got married and she mentioned how she felt that if a man truly honors God then he will surely respect His daughter that is on earth. It was a really sweet story. xx

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  4. @ JazzWife : Wow!! That is amazing! Wish you many many more years! May God continue to keep your marriage and your family! Amen. Thank you for sharing!

    @ xflashinLITESx : Lol. Glory be to God sis! Yes we learn from experiences. May God continue to teach us more and more! Amen. So glad the posts are of help! :)

    @ Aurélie : Thank you sis!! All the glory be to God. Wow, that is quite a story sis! Thank you for sharing. May God guide us and give us the grace to overcome and put aside the desires of the flesh continually. Amen.

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  5. My first date with my hubby was 13 hours long. We spent the entire day at a concert, then dinner, then we just talked. Two days later he called me and we talked on the phone for 5 hours! As they say the rest is history.

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  6. This is making so much sense.on point!

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  7. @ JenJen : That's amazing! :)

    @ NikkiSho : Glory be to God sis! Glad it's of help

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  8. I LOVE this post!!! And girl, YOU'RE A WONDERFUL WRITER!!!!!!!!!!! I had almost forgotten how beautiful your writting was. I LOVE IT. I want MORE mini-stories like that. Seriously, am I getting the message across? If not, let me try again: YOU WRITE BEAUTIFULLY WITH WONDERFUL SCENARIOS! Even my words betray me, I don't know how to say it. lol. I'm praying you take me seriously though. I love and have always loved our writing!
    The post was just on point! I agree with everything you said about being physical. It's a shame how they portray first dates in movies though. And I totally agree, the movies is not the right place to go on a first date!
    May God continue to give you wisdom as you continue to be a blessing to the world! (P.s: sorry for the novel, lol).

    Tell the World

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  9. @ FunTó : LOL! Thanks hunny!! :)

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  10. These are great date ideas! Dates don't have to be always dinner outs but must be fun as well. Great post you got here. Thanks for the information that you've shared with your readers. :)

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