"The LORD is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?"

- Psalms 27 : 1

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Natural Hair is Not Sexy?

Mmmh... good question!

Yesterday, I overheard someone really close to me telling someone else  that I was not sexy because of my hair.
Now let me point out that I was in no way offended thank God, but rather I was amused.

Now back to the subject. I'm not arguing the fact that I'm not sexy or whatever

...but hold up, what the heck is being "sexy" all about?

Well it obviously has something to do with a person's appearance. If you put on your T.V today or just pick up a magazine, you'll be amazed at what you'll see. In most ads, we see tall, skinny, models with 
straight hair!
According to what I've understood (until now) during my short life here on earth, that is the idea of sexy the media is trying to sell ... and believe it or not, a lot of people are buying it. 
According to the New Oxford American Dictionary, being sexy is being "sexually attractive and exciting".
Quite frankly, I do not care about being sexually attractive and exciting because there is much much much more to life than that!

So as I was saying, I am not in anyway arguing that I am sexy, but if I were not, I will not accept the fact that it were because of my hair!
I do not think a woman's hair makes her any appealing or any less sexier! I absolutely refuse to buy into the lie that sisters that perm their hair are any appealing than natural ones or the other way round. Sisters, if anyone is trying to sell you this lie, especially if it is a guy you are interested in, do not buy it!

Now see that we have arrived at the subject of confidence. A woman without confidence is...well let's just say is not a great idea. She will never feel good about yourself and she will conform to any idea that is going round. So you have to be confident! If someone says you are not sexy, it don't matter, what really matters is the way you see yourself and how you like yourself. Be yourself! That is the next step that will automatically follow after confidence. When you are yourself, you know who you (and where you are going you will therefore not try to waste time conforming to the ideas of this world) are and what you like. You know you like to perm your hair or not to perm you hair and therefore whether it appeals anyone else or not is not really your problem because it is appealing to you!

Personally, I think sexiness is a thing that should come from the inside. Now I am going to switch to the word being attractive to explain this a bit more. There are two phases of attraction (or two kinds ), the first is the physical one: you see someone and they fit your category and you find them attractive. The second phase is the physiological one: you get close to this person, get to know the person and find the person is smart or knows a lot about your favorite sport and this really attracts you to the person. Now you have to know attraction does not always come in two phases, sometimes, it stops at the physical phase and does not move any further and sometimes, you are just attracted to someone psychologically without the physical. Let me illustrate  this : imagine you are invited to a get together and you see two guys, one at one end of the room and the other at the other end. One is dressed like you would love your perfect guy to dress and looking like your perfect guy but he is not interested in your hobbies and the other loves everything you love (without you knowing it of course) but his appearance or and dress sense is a bit...how do you say? Too "dull" for you.
Well, tell me, which one would you go for?
Personally, I might not go for anyone, but I wouldn't think twice about the other "less attractive" one.

So you see, the other guy with "swaga" might be, to your taste, very "sexy" and the other one not but which one of the guys would you stick to if you had a chance to really know them.
I believe it would be the other "less attractive" one.

So what's up?

This proves that anything thing based on appearance is in vain! Of course we are all mainly attracted to someone first by their appearance, but would you stay with a guy that had nothing in common with you though he was "physically appealing"? I think not. So, are we trying to say that...
yes, I believe being "sexy", or whatever you want to call it, is all about what is in you. 

I do not believe "sexual appeal" has anything to do with your hair! And it should not be solely based on a person's physic (though this is so contradictory to what we see around us) because it is not just enough! It is amazing how sometimes I meet brothers I think are "too appealing to be true" but after speaking to them, their "sexual appeal" just seems to shatter. That's me!

The verdict is that, natural queens or permed divas are not more any better (being 'sexually appealing' included) from the next woman in anyway because of their hair! How ridiculous it sounds. I believe a woman that is "sexy" should be one who is, for example, confident, knows where she is going, focused, and that is not ashamed of who she is in anyway. If a woman is "appealing" you will see it from the way she carries herself and believe me, I have spotted some. It all falls down to acceptance! Though many are realizing the beauty in both permed hair and natural hair, there is still a lot of ground to be covered.

So ladies, keep doing what you do, keep your hair fly, stay confident and don't let anyone bring you down!

Now, I throw the question at you, what do you think of the concept of "being sexy" and do you thing natural women can be appealing in this way?

P.S: sorry about the length of the post. Never meant to write so much ;)


  1. Applaud! Well said Sis, heck yes natural women can be appealing and considered as "sexy." Mainstream media has done a damn good job of brainwashing us (or some of us) to beleive that straight hair and looking like everyone else does is sexy. But for whom? I've met men that think sweatpants and a tee is sexy. Some who think no makeup is sexy. Heck, I've had a few guys even tell me that a woman being natural is "just so sexy." But not every man likes what the next man likes. Just like you said it, we have our preferences too! Nothing wrong with that but I don't think that natural hair makes you any less sexy because sexiness is defined from within!

    And you are sexy, absolutely beautiful and gorgeous Sis!!!

  2. Thank you so much Sister!!! Thank God for men that do not base their judgement (solely) on a woman's appearance and I'm glad you share the same views about this subject!
    Again thanks for your kind words ;) They are very much appreciated.


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